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Pandemic and mental health

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When the Conditional Movement Control Order (CMCO) was announced last month, my heart sank. I felt suffocated and panicked for no reason. I had no idea why. I didn't experience this feeling during the first lockdown in March. I felt something bad was about to happen on this CMCO and it happened. I had a really bad time. I started to lose my sanity. Then, we were shocked by a last minute announcement that the CMCO would be extended for another 2 weeks, 4 weeks...Sigh. I believe this lockdown has affected many of us. This pandemic must have taken a toll on most people's mental health. Businesses closed, people lose their jobs, online distance learning (ODL) classes, being away from your loved ones etc. If you're struggling during this unfortunate time, please reach out for help. Seek help from your family, friends or even Befriender . Please don't bottle up your emotions. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.  I pray this pandemic will get over soon. I couldn't be...
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Stop searching for your passion

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The thought of  "what am I gonna do with my life? " has been lingering around my mind for quite some time. I'm clueless about what I want to do next. I'm totally lost. Do I want to pursue my dream becoming a journalist? Should I do something that is unrelated to journalism? I don't know. To be honest, I'm not sure how the question came across my mind. It just came out of nowhere. Or maybe the thoughts came as I think that writing/journalism is no longer my interest. Maybe. I stumbled upon a TedTalk video on Youtube called "Stop searching for your passion."I had no intention to watch it but as I scrolled the comment section, I decided to check it out. It was eye-opening. A 10 minutes 48 seconds video really change my perspective on the idea of passion.  So, what's passion? According to merriam-webster, passion is a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object or devotion to some activity, object or concept. Does it mean ...
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Thank you 2019

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"Be grateful for the hard times, they can make you stronger"  This year might be tough and challenging, but I've learned a lot throughout the year. All the obstacles and problems shape me into a completely different person. It breaks me but also turned me into a wise and more independent person. It is true that every struggle you deal in your life has shaped you into the person you're today. I've been struggling with a lot of things; my confidence, self-esteem, insecurities and flaws, overthinking etc. I'm so fragile and sensitive. This is not me. I let myself sinking into negative thoughts until it affects me so badly. Thank God, I managed to pick up the broken pieces because I know no one would do it for me. Despite all I see is darkness, I got up and distracted myself with something else. I let myself get busy until I have no time to be sad (I still get sad, anyways).  I listened to Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne and Hero by Mariah Carey as my cop...
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I'm fine, thanks.

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"Every thought is a battle. Every breath is a war. And I don't think I'm winning anymore." I had a conversation with a friend the other day. We are quite close. On a gloomy evening, I heard her sobbing. I approached her and asking if she's okay.  "I'm not  fine, thanks." "Alright.  Tell me if you need anything." To be frank, I'm not good at comforting people.  *** Later that night, she asked me if I'm busy cause she feels like venting her emotions.  "Sometimes I feel so lonely despite surrounded by people. It feels like no one understands me. I slowly develop negative thoughts like "people suck", "I hate everyone" etc. I know this is unhealthy. But I find no ways to let the thoughts go. So, it stays. It completely destroys me physically and mentally. I started to push people away and at the same time observing whether people care about me or not. Yes, nobody cares. I convin...
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Loneliness

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Lately it seems, I've lost inspiration, It feels like it's miles away, I sleep through the day,  And cry through the night time I'm caught in an empty space.  It was 1 am. The place was dark and gloomy. From the outside, it looked like an abandoned place. I bet no one would dare to enter here. No one ever wish to be here.  I stood alone in front of the elevator waiting to go to level 4. Ting. The door of the elevator opened. My hands and legs were shaking. My heart felt as heavy as stone. But I didn't know why I was still there. I pressed the button "4". When I was at level 4, the situation was completely different from the outside. It was no longer quiet. There were a lot of people at this level. People were shouting and crying. It was terrible. I could feel the pain in their screams. I sat on a chair near the counter observing the situation. Takes effort to find I don't have strength,  I'm holding on to what's still left of me...
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Favorite verses in the Quran

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Here are my 5 favorite verses in the Quran:- 1)"... And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows, you don't know it." (2:216) I really really love this verse. It's true that sometimes He gives you something that you don't like but it's actually something that is good for you. I knew this verse when I was 18 year-old. I remember that it was the moment where I felt really sad for not getting into Law school. I got Masscomm instead. I really hated Masscomm back then. I even quetioned God's decision for putting me in this course. But now I slowly accept my fate. Maybe He puts me in this course for some reasons. But I don't know what the reasons are because He, al-Alim (the all-knowing one) knows what's best. He is the best planner. I never know what will happen if I got accepted into Law school. So, don't ever question Him for not getting what you want because He knows ...
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Letting go

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"Letting go has never been easy but holding on can be difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."  Today, I was at my favorite coffee shop doing my work (working on my casefiles and stuff) while enjoying a cup of caramel frappe. I was listening to my current favorite song, Thru These Tears by Lany.  "This hurts like hell. But i keep telling myself, It's gonna get better, But it's taking forever..."   Next to my table, there were two women; one was crying and another one was comforting her.  "I didn't know whether my decision of leaving him is a good thing or not". The girl in black hijab tried to hold her tears so no one could hear them. "It's a right choice of leaving a person who thinks relationship is a competition", said her friend. "You're not competing with anyone. What is the point of being with a person who constantly feel insecure with other couples and force you to...
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