Thank you 2019

"Be grateful for the hard times, they can make you stronger" 

This year might be tough and challenging, but I've learned a lot throughout the year. All the obstacles and problems shape me into a completely different person. It breaks me but also turned me into a wise and more independent person. It is true that every struggle you deal in your life has shaped you into the person you're today.

I've been struggling with a lot of things; my confidence, self-esteem, insecurities and flaws, overthinking etc. I'm so fragile and sensitive. This is not me. I let myself sinking into negative thoughts until it affects me so badly. Thank God, I managed to pick up the broken pieces because I know no one would do it for me. Despite all I see is darkness, I got up and distracted myself with something else. I let myself get busy until I have no time to be sad (I still get sad, anyways).  I listened to Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne and Hero by Mariah Carey as my coping mechanism. 

This is the reality of life. It has its ups and downs. I'm supposed to be thankful for all the struggles. It teaches me to be strong. It prepares me for my future. It's okay, Yasmin. It's okay to be vulnerable. Bear in mind that life is full of surprises. The best way is to just go with the flow. God has planned your life accordingly. 

Despite all the obstacles, I still think that this is one of the best year. Even though this year has been  difficult, I managed to achieve a few things that I never thought I'd achieve. It really makes me proud. 

Here are some highlights of 2019:

1. Surrounded by amazing and inspiring people. 
2. Got a dean's list award (which I never expected to get). 
3. Made new friends. 
4. Broke at all debate tournaments. 
5. Organised a debate tournament. 
6. Got out of my comfort zone. 
7. Most of my prayers were listened and answered. 
8. Secured an internship placement at my dream company. 
9. Spent less time on social media. 
10. Managed to save money and taught myself to spend less. 
11. Met a real princess during one interview. 
12. Had mental breakdowns and able to get up and move forward. 
13. Taught myself about self-love and self-acceptance (still struggling with it). 
14. Finished two books within a week during semester break.
15. Stayed in bed for days but managed to get up the next few days. 
16. Learned Adobe InDesign in a day. 
17. Managed to convince me to not to be hard on myself. 
18. Almost giving up on my degree but stand up strong. 
19. Cried in the library during study week and thought I'd fail one subject but ended up getting an A
20. Pulled an all nighter doing work for a few days. 
21. Sought help when I was in fragile state. 
22. Rewarded myself for small achievements instead of 'beating' myself. 

Looking at the list made me realise that I have done so much in 2019. Whether it's positive or negative, I should give myself some credits because I made it. I'm very proud of you, Yasmin. Remember when you cried and told yourself you will not make it through? Look at where you're now. Remember when you stayed in bed for days and thought of giving up on everything? Look at where you're now. You made it. You're amazing for making this far. Thank you for not giving up. It's true that, "When you're about to give up, you're so close to the victory." Thank you God for giving me strength. 

In less than a week, we're going into 2020. I pray that it will be another great year. Sometimes I feel anxious and overthink about my future. I feel uncertain about it as next year will be a new chapter for me. The questions of 'what ifs' always running through my mind. I'm excited yet scared. If I can get through my darkest moments, I can get through anything!